Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
