i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
