Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
