so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
