If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
