that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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