my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
