i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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