question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
