We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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