I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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