He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
