hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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