Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans