YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
