I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.