So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry