Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
