So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love