I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
