I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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