You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You've changed since you got that strap on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize