The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
