I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize