You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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