So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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