he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
