He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
