I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
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