Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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