I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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