Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize