i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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