The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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