You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
