you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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