Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
