I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
People in love make me want to vomit
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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