He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
