Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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