Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
