Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
