good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
