My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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