Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
