i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize