he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
