don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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