Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
