Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
