I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
