Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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