what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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