He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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