Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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