If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
