Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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