i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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