Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
