Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize