no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i now understand why vodka
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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