hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
