u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
