Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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