explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
