dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
