i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
