you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
