I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
