She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
