The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
