I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
