They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
