your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
