Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize