After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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