The maid of honor just puked.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
